


the seaweed that wrapped its arms around you

by pluvieux



Category: Original Work
Genre: Poetry, prose poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 06:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13607940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluvieux/pseuds/pluvieux
Summary: I like the feel of you. I like the noises you make. I love your faults. I love your voice. I love your truth. The world bores me to death (or rather my world does) – it bores me and irritates me when I’m away from you.written byH.G. Wells, from a letter to Rebecca West written c. April 1913





	the seaweed that wrapped its arms around you

**Author's Note:**

> it's better to feel pain,  
> than nothing at all  
> the opposite of love's indifference
> 
> so pay attention now,  
> i'm standing on your porch,  
> screaming out  
> and i won't leave until you come downstairs.

_king and lionheart_

"i know my bones are moving underneath all of this skin of mine, but i can't feel them.  
my head is just sitting here, on my shoulders,  
my eyes are going unseeing, but i'm not blind.  
these words aren't mine, love, i can't build the words that i could when we were safe, alive, and wild.

they're tumbling out of my mouth before i can even piece them together,  
my body looks so far away from my mind,  
i got drunk, babe, but i didn't get drunk,  
i'm so lost that i've gotten into control."

"i'm disconnected, not of my body anymore,  
walking to class, i couldn't feel the steps i were taking.  
i am living on autopilot."

-

every day, i am waiting for tomorrow.  
time spent without you is time spent well wasted,  
and all i'm trying to do is put this behind me.

yesterday, two hours from my house,  
i stood outside in the stormy, cold weather  
feeling powerful and lonely.

yesterday, two hours from my house,  
i felt at home,  
purely because i could imagine that i was with you.

-

glorious and tempting,  
full of fire to keep me warm

you whisper to them, dark curses  
then whisper to me to keep a tight hold on my guard

(i know i should have listened, but i wanted to talk to you so, so bad)

-

living comfortably, for me, has been put on hold until i reach 18.  
days go on without hearing your voice,  
without reading your words

"i went colorblind this morning,  
my ears has gone deaf to the sounds of music.  
nothing other than your voice can heal me,"

(and i'm sorry about that.)

-

paint the doors red so this plague will pass us over  
i never knew just how badly i've started to rely on you until my body started to wither, i feel so fucking lifeless, like everything good is being drained from my body and i'm going to run out

-

i want to put on the shoes i bought for work and take off sprinting down the road  
i want to stomp my way out of lake forest and go to hurricane creek  
i want to bike down the trails, i want to yell your name so loud that it hurts my throat

i am just passing through, i tell the geese  
ignore my monster of a heart, ignore my croaking lungs filling with the dirty water i jumped into  
ignore it all, because it's not true. i'm just sitting on the dock with my feet in the water, filled with urges

\- 

lakes and streams of water that you have to hop over

-

God makes no mistakes, so keep in mind that you are an imperfect _masterpiece_

-

i think about the time we are going to be together a lot. like maybe all the time. i think about how, after so long of not being touched, the both of us are going to go into anaphylactic shock or some shit when we  
finally get to hold hands. when we finally get to lie down and cuddle together. when we finally hug each other and get the chance to embrace each other like our lives depend on it.

i'll buy groceries to cook for you. we're going to get a new comforter. let's get a nice pale yellow one with white flowers on it. i've sewn together a pillow case for us and i've put flowers in the kitchen.

we can get a speaker and blast nice music throughout the house, i can drag you around while you laugh and try not to step on my toes, i'll grab your face and pull it down and just smush it with mine and that'll be okay because we're in love

we can go on a walk. 2018 will bring you striped shirts, love. light seeping through the trees and my hand tightening around yours. when i thought of you today, the word that first came to mind was "eden." 

consciousness is not a choice i like to choose anymore. it's exhausting, unwanted.  
i weep for my limitations on a daily basis, almost hourly.  
i happily give way to maladaptive daydreaming whenever i can,  
and i put myself in a place, into a peace of mind with you.

i love to forget that i have to lose you when anyone else is home.  
when i can't sneak onto my grandparents' desktop to message you,  
or the fact that i got caught calling you on the landline  
it's just vivid reminders that i have to wait until i'm 18 to burst into lilac

lavender flowers on a woven garland  
my heart skipped faster than a hummingbird under attack  
when you just simply told me that you loved me and that i mean the most to you.

there's a piano playing and a trumpet in the garbage bin down at the driveway  
we'll leave that for the angels, i guess

-

I am always moving toward you.

On my bad days, I say to myself: “then you.”  
Sure, this now. But then you.  
_written by from “Laugh Lines” in The Dogs I Have Kissed by Trista Mateer_

-  
« _im just your sleepy, boring bf, who slowly floats around all day until he can lie down and think some more_

_about his loved one. the only one who has a place in his ghastly center_

_the twitching of an ambient crt, the energy within such a spirit_

_the undone deed requested by the only remaining importance_

_a task that should be done as time were to continue_

_once finished, let us lay suspended in a forevermore of ghastliness_ »

*geometric screeching*

-

if i am to suffer for these next six months,  
i would like to suffer in beautiful language,  
as they do in books.

in our relationship, i am the sun and you are the moon  
i'm trying to be more sweetsounding so that you can brighten up  
on nights where you threaten to keep a new moon going for more than four days  
it's my job to keep you from shrouding the world in darkness

_"sorry you had a bad day, you can touch my boobs if you want"_

-

noisy and alone,  
sometimes i stay up late just to see the sun rise  
just because i know you're probably still awake, too  
translating song lyrics into french just because i can't translate your words anymore

i'm sorry,  
i feel a sense of betrayal when i find out later on that you were sleeping  
but it feels so nice when it turns out that, yes, we shared weary eyes for this night, and this night...

-

my heart is currently near the forests  
the sunlight, soon, can cure my wounds  
muffled by pillows, muffled by the distance between us  
i cry for you

my cat sometimes tucks his head under his paw,  
and he looks so comfortable, so happy and content that i could cry  
i want to reach that level of comfort with you.

-

you are such a soft and messy thing,  
and no one else knows how to take care of you.  
i hope you can cling on to my love letters, as scarce as they now are

to put it bluntly, it fucking sucks mad fucking dick to be grounded and i just wish i could kidnap you for a little while and go to an art museum or something together.  
i want to see the 5am light on your body, i want to see you shift underneath our blanket,  
i miss seeing you sprawled out underneath your covers. i'm keeping the image safe in my mind, though. <3

my memories of you are grandiose, the things i have from you are so sentimental that it kills me.  
i sleep in your hoodie every night, i've been avoiding washing it because _you wore this you touched this your smell used to be on this there's a hole in the right sleeve from where you,,, you you you you_

-

when i imagine your soul,  
i can't decide whether it would be in cold or in warm colours  
given the situation / given your heart's current condition

i know mine is bruised, swollen,  
waiting for yours

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't know how to mention it but i referenced langston hughes.


End file.
